Yes, you guessed it right; this is a story of a train journey. Short. Thirty-five minutes is all it takes from Grant Road to Santacruz. And this is a little incident we all encounter. Sort of a template for the quintessential Mumbai “trainee” (as in, a person who travels by the local train).
I am a meek traveller if I may say so. I am the sort of person who does not utter a word in a journey and to keep the omerta going, I carry my headset and listen to the radio on my cell phone. See no evil, hear no evil and most definitely, speak no evil. In the law books of train travellers, it is a mandate to learn at least five Hindi ‘evil’ terms because, well, it is required. I know more than five but it’s best to sit till the station you want to get off is the next one; get up at the right time, move slowly to the door and get off without being a cause of any discomfort. But this is Utopia. I never knew I could be anything but quiet. I realize now that I could.
Khar Road Station and I wait at the door to get off at the next station. The train is relatively empty and this dazed individual stands right behind me sticking his groin into my hip. “Hutt na! Mad@%$%^*&od!!!” I hear myself saying and thrusting him away. He moves away and looks at me funny and says, “Utarna hai kya?” So I scowl at him and indignantly reply, “Nahi, uss khambe pe oodi maarna hai” and point to the signal pole that is coming up ahead of us. He fails to understand and asks, “Santacruz kaunsi taraf aayega?”
I just gave up and showed him the wrong side. When the train pulled in, he jumped onto the tracks and leaped up to the platform on the other side. When I got off, a cold voice informed me, “Pocket check kar lo, chu%$^a kuch nikal na liya ho.” The blood froze in my veins as I felt my hip pocket and found no wallet. It took me an instant to remember that I had shoved it in my front pocket for I feared such a thing would happen. A bead of sweat formed on my forehead and trickled down as my blood finally thawed and I heaved a sigh of complete arrogance. I was now a member of the Mumbai Local Daily Travellers’ Club… Pukka Mumbaikar…
I am a meek traveller if I may say so. I am the sort of person who does not utter a word in a journey and to keep the omerta going, I carry my headset and listen to the radio on my cell phone. See no evil, hear no evil and most definitely, speak no evil. In the law books of train travellers, it is a mandate to learn at least five Hindi ‘evil’ terms because, well, it is required. I know more than five but it’s best to sit till the station you want to get off is the next one; get up at the right time, move slowly to the door and get off without being a cause of any discomfort. But this is Utopia. I never knew I could be anything but quiet. I realize now that I could.
Khar Road Station and I wait at the door to get off at the next station. The train is relatively empty and this dazed individual stands right behind me sticking his groin into my hip. “Hutt na! Mad@%$%^*&od!!!” I hear myself saying and thrusting him away. He moves away and looks at me funny and says, “Utarna hai kya?” So I scowl at him and indignantly reply, “Nahi, uss khambe pe oodi maarna hai” and point to the signal pole that is coming up ahead of us. He fails to understand and asks, “Santacruz kaunsi taraf aayega?”
I just gave up and showed him the wrong side. When the train pulled in, he jumped onto the tracks and leaped up to the platform on the other side. When I got off, a cold voice informed me, “Pocket check kar lo, chu%$^a kuch nikal na liya ho.” The blood froze in my veins as I felt my hip pocket and found no wallet. It took me an instant to remember that I had shoved it in my front pocket for I feared such a thing would happen. A bead of sweat formed on my forehead and trickled down as my blood finally thawed and I heaved a sigh of complete arrogance. I was now a member of the Mumbai Local Daily Travellers’ Club… Pukka Mumbaikar…
5 comments:
ya ...the boy travels in a local for the first time ( a better title for this post )......anyways ....i laughed at it all thru ...too funny man
besides i remember the last time when i was also there in the train with ya .....and everyone kept staring at u like u were an alien from another planet
but i guess that makes u fell special ...u bloody ass. ( also hard to miss in the crowd )
i can just imagine in a mela somewhere in some gaon
gaonkaar lady: mera bachha kho gaya hai!!!
announcer on microphone: darne ki koi baat nahi hai
your mom: mera bhi baacha kho gaya hai !!!
announcer : kya keh rahi ho madam .....uuu dheko .....uuu pahadi ke peche ....sau miel duur .....haa wahan ....dekho
your mom : arrey ...meine waha dekha hi nahi ......thanks man !!!
dude whoever 'A' is, he/she is hell funny...
As far as far as you being a pukka local train traveller goes, I'm sure you've been 'de-virginised' and de-sensitised in the summer of 2000, i.e., first year engineering. The lesser said the better.
hey abeer .....just so u know "a"....well ....in the words of pulsar " it's a boyyyy" ...
in any case me name is austin ...adn i really dont know y the fuck i wrote my name as "a" ....but i am just too lazy to change the thing .....so till then thats me
"a"
"Kya kar rahe ho bhaisaab?"
"Arre aage dekho na!"
"Kya Kar Lega?"
"Karunga kuch nahi, jab karunga toh pata chalega!!!"
Hahahaha.... abeer, this ones for you! Austin, this is an actual train conversation aber and i witnessed in the good ol' 8:55 Belapur Local..... ah yes, them were the days!
hahahaha! 25 points to austin! hehehee!
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