So I get this very flattering invitation to write for a friend’s blog and I do…
Its great to do a little something to have people pat your back and say ‘hey, I’d like to have you do that for me too, will you?’ and then you give it a deep thought (like you had a very busy schedule) and then nod with the slight reluctance (as if you are making some time for this person in your life and doing a huge favour). And you get a much demanded ‘Thank You so much!’ for it also. The fun part is when you turn around and say very politely ‘Ah, it was nothing…’ Makes one feel quite proud for no apparent substantial reason. Its funny, human nature. Quite funny. Trying to fake a guess when someone asks you for directions at the bus stop and you are not sure. Trying to make a serious face to grab some attention from friends. Cracking real low, downright disgusting jokes when you are with a ‘blondie’ (which happens to be your friend’s friend and is quite hot)… lots of these. They all just show our liking to being ‘something else’ quite literally. And its fun on the hind side.
So back to original motive of the post… visit me also at http://khyatu.blogspot.com if you’re not bored of me already (though the saving grace is that khyati herself writes really well). This is of course subject to the host’s discretion of putting up my stuff. Thank you khyati and I shall also follow suit. You (khyati) are invited to write in something for me too… not as formality but for the fact that you really write well… love your thoughts.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
loosing my Appreciation
Today was quite a day of realization…. Actually just a very simple thing that came across as a huge change in the way we tend to miss out the nuances of other peoples’ lives.
My office (or should I say my father’s workplace where I have joined… we wrote about that earlier) is undergoing a renovation. It’s done now but when I sat there watching all the mayhem, I was observing the way these souls were toiling. The carpenters hammering away for 6-8 hours, non-stop, the painters stroking their brushes furiously and the polish-walas… well… polishing stuff. I was trying to imagine their thought process while they spoke nothing as they worked. What will the electrician be thinking while he plugs on the bulb? What’s on the glass-fitter’s mind? The kind of lives each one of them live as they chisel their masterpieces (of course on an individual level). Well, you can say I am bored and have nothing to do, which is the truth to an extent. But it’s a hair-raiser none the less. Think about it man, these guys would have been such intricate parts of all the brilliant structures that have been built through the course of history. What would stop them from boasting about their hand in building say the Adlabs multiplex or cross-roads or the huge mall at Malad and Ghatoper?
My office (or should I say my father’s workplace where I have joined… we wrote about that earlier) is undergoing a renovation. It’s done now but when I sat there watching all the mayhem, I was observing the way these souls were toiling. The carpenters hammering away for 6-8 hours, non-stop, the painters stroking their brushes furiously and the polish-walas… well… polishing stuff. I was trying to imagine their thought process while they spoke nothing as they worked. What will the electrician be thinking while he plugs on the bulb? What’s on the glass-fitter’s mind? The kind of lives each one of them live as they chisel their masterpieces (of course on an individual level). Well, you can say I am bored and have nothing to do, which is the truth to an extent. But it’s a hair-raiser none the less. Think about it man, these guys would have been such intricate parts of all the brilliant structures that have been built through the course of history. What would stop them from boasting about their hand in building say the Adlabs multiplex or cross-roads or the huge mall at Malad and Ghatoper?
This one carpenter had just been casually chatting to the others about what a cumbersome job it was to make the shop hoardings for Big Bazaar. Just amazes me no end. The minutest details are so well taken care of. Just for a few minutes, put yourself in their shoes and think how you would feel if you were to pass I-nox and look up at the paint job that you have done. Listen to the comments about what a fabulous structure the new cross-roads is. And now, think of it as if you never cared. Never have you looked back at this design that you have watered with your sweat and hard work…. Unimaginably cruel I suppose. But that’s how it is for them. They obey the orders of their employers and do their bit, collect their wage and move on, never to turn around and appreciate their own ‘baby’. Im saying this because this is what has come from the horse’s mouth. I cant forget that unpleasant smile that this fellow threw as he stared at the empty paint can and said in a sheepish voice “kya farak girta hai saab, ho gaya, acchha laga to theek hai, bhagwaan ki daya.”
And here we are, trying to appreciate the ‘art’ of a bloody lunatic who has made random hand-prints on a white canvas… sold for a million bucks… crap! When oh when, dear lord, will we start realizing the true value of the ‘innocent artist’? Nevermind, hota hai, chalta hai, dunya hai.
And here we are, trying to appreciate the ‘art’ of a bloody lunatic who has made random hand-prints on a white canvas… sold for a million bucks… crap! When oh when, dear lord, will we start realizing the true value of the ‘innocent artist’? Nevermind, hota hai, chalta hai, dunya hai.
Friday, April 22, 2005
A 6 a.m. walk down memory lane
This is really weird as it feels right now, I am up since 6 for god alone knows whatever reason and its quite pissing off to not be able to sleep again. I don’t know what to do and I decide to check my bloody mail for Christ sakes.
This actually reminds me of those weird days in Nerul where I would either sleep at these wee hours (6 is a wee hour for all practical purposes ok so don’t give me that funny look!) or wake up to study the bare minimal that I would. Funny times they were indeed. Journal work, morning cuppa of chai, the PL tube table lamp, anything-but-cozy bed… oh and the chilling morning breeze of December. If I look back at it now, I never appreciated the beauty of being there with 3 other sorry souls more than I do now. All I remember is waking up with this question lodged in the head like it were a part of the whisky consumed the night before – “why am I stuck in this shit-hole doing what I don’t wanna do?” then there was no answer.
So the typical day at college would begin with the slow thud of steps towards the pot. A shout out for chai to the good old Raju and off we were to the table. The next thing you see when you lift your eyes up from the morning daily, is this lanky (and I mean nothing more than 18 inches in diameter!) figure walk in with a shawl mummifying him. Shoulder-length hair; making him look like a mop used at the airports. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” he would say in a volume enough to put the rooster out of business, as he sits down on the sofa (the classiest piece of furniture we possessed). A very interesting question would then come up from this thin masterpiece… “You know what?.....” and then there was silence. After the long gaze at the poster on the wall, he would continue, “it’s too cold to go to college today”.
By then another figure would immerge from the room with the sound of dragging slippers. His voice, a deep sleepy hiss, like it were scraping his throat as he spoke with utmost disgust… “What time lecture?”. “Eight thirty”, I would reply digging my fork into the double-omelet I got the man to prepare. Yes, I would be caught eating quite often through the day; Almost as often as this man cribbing about losing his PC chuddy. This is when soul number three (affectionately addressed as the 3/5thling) would make an entrance. One hand dug in his pajama pocket and a walk which would seem to show as if this fellow hadn’t slept at all. He would walk up to either of us and the first words out of his mouth would be “taari paase taitris chhe?!” or some such comment that you wouldn’t be able to relate to if you tried for three lives back-to-back. After a point, one would get used to it and let it pass. Quaint table talks and the respective tea, bournvita and coffee would be consumed with corn flakes and/or bread slices with butter. Once in a while, it would be ‘2 eggs, sunny side up’ and an occasional Maggi (there I go with the food again, but I must say, it was one of the few promising things) would be the morning breakfast before each headed to their rooms to get dressed for visiting the Alma Mater but once again.
Each day from here on would be a different one but don’t want to go there anymore. May be I can describe it as ‘hell with happy memories’. Somehow, I really don’t mind reliving them. Ya, I don’t.
Here I am, on the road again,
Here I am, up on the stage,
Here I go, play the star again,
Here I go, turn the page.
(Hale Metallica!!)
Wokie dokie, 8:30 now. Need to get back to mundane life. Guess I’ll make some more notes about the fabulous set of experiences at Parimal Appartments more often. I’m sure I’ll have inputs coming in from the incumbents too, wont I?
This actually reminds me of those weird days in Nerul where I would either sleep at these wee hours (6 is a wee hour for all practical purposes ok so don’t give me that funny look!) or wake up to study the bare minimal that I would. Funny times they were indeed. Journal work, morning cuppa of chai, the PL tube table lamp, anything-but-cozy bed… oh and the chilling morning breeze of December. If I look back at it now, I never appreciated the beauty of being there with 3 other sorry souls more than I do now. All I remember is waking up with this question lodged in the head like it were a part of the whisky consumed the night before – “why am I stuck in this shit-hole doing what I don’t wanna do?” then there was no answer.
So the typical day at college would begin with the slow thud of steps towards the pot. A shout out for chai to the good old Raju and off we were to the table. The next thing you see when you lift your eyes up from the morning daily, is this lanky (and I mean nothing more than 18 inches in diameter!) figure walk in with a shawl mummifying him. Shoulder-length hair; making him look like a mop used at the airports. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” he would say in a volume enough to put the rooster out of business, as he sits down on the sofa (the classiest piece of furniture we possessed). A very interesting question would then come up from this thin masterpiece… “You know what?.....” and then there was silence. After the long gaze at the poster on the wall, he would continue, “it’s too cold to go to college today”.
By then another figure would immerge from the room with the sound of dragging slippers. His voice, a deep sleepy hiss, like it were scraping his throat as he spoke with utmost disgust… “What time lecture?”. “Eight thirty”, I would reply digging my fork into the double-omelet I got the man to prepare. Yes, I would be caught eating quite often through the day; Almost as often as this man cribbing about losing his PC chuddy. This is when soul number three (affectionately addressed as the 3/5thling) would make an entrance. One hand dug in his pajama pocket and a walk which would seem to show as if this fellow hadn’t slept at all. He would walk up to either of us and the first words out of his mouth would be “taari paase taitris chhe?!” or some such comment that you wouldn’t be able to relate to if you tried for three lives back-to-back. After a point, one would get used to it and let it pass. Quaint table talks and the respective tea, bournvita and coffee would be consumed with corn flakes and/or bread slices with butter. Once in a while, it would be ‘2 eggs, sunny side up’ and an occasional Maggi (there I go with the food again, but I must say, it was one of the few promising things) would be the morning breakfast before each headed to their rooms to get dressed for visiting the Alma Mater but once again.
Each day from here on would be a different one but don’t want to go there anymore. May be I can describe it as ‘hell with happy memories’. Somehow, I really don’t mind reliving them. Ya, I don’t.
Here I am, on the road again,
Here I am, up on the stage,
Here I go, play the star again,
Here I go, turn the page.
(Hale Metallica!!)
Wokie dokie, 8:30 now. Need to get back to mundane life. Guess I’ll make some more notes about the fabulous set of experiences at Parimal Appartments more often. I’m sure I’ll have inputs coming in from the incumbents too, wont I?
Thursday, April 21, 2005
scewd but true... it flows from nowhere to anywhere
its quite pissing off when you make a blog and no one reads it...
anyway, nothing too great to report (maybe just to myself) but the fact that i am working really hard to keep myself occupied... constant travelling to the suburbs of this wonderful city, taking the best transport ever administered in the country (the local train) and getting fried in the Mumbai summer attack is not really the best idea for spending time but well thats the best i can think of so far. that is the only way i can get out of the house actually. office is one more get away but sitting in one place is not very adventurous i would say. the godown has got its own certificate of being the biggest tandoor of its time so i avoid that completely. still work becons and work has to be done.
so there is dadr (*the shop) matunga (the godown) pedder road (the home) and Santa cruz (umm... the home... part 2). shutteling between these is good fun and a training session in travelling on intuition without the need to actually think where im going. seriously, it is so mechanical with the trains that i could commute to these places blindfolded. its good fun meeting up with my friends in cruz and my mentor, friend, philosopher, guide and critic mrs.misra. always around to give me some work and keep my otherwise warped head in good use. i have never been understood by a non family member in such short time lapse, ever. someone who comes out of no where and becomes an integral part of your life. who makes you think differently and gets you to change your perspective about yourself. mr. ghalla is another one of those head-stron unforgiving creatures who still has the odasity and the nerve to stick around with me for almost 7 years now without a chooch.
so this time i decided to get these two absolutely powerful influences to meet each other. both had heard about the other to the point where they could sware that the next statement i would make would be coming from the respective counterpart. and as i had imagined... they hit it off quite well too. god knows but i enjoyed the fact that i was left out of the conversation. every once in a while i would come in with an expressive 'hummm...' and shut up again. aahhh! i could go on about it for hours but what the heck, im too bored to describe the whole 3 odd hours in detail... not a woman u know...(with all due respect to the entire clan of the said armless millitants).
since i am making note of people who have influenced me, another name that comes to my mind is my very dear chinese friend...Valentino aka van. love the guy for his smile-through your troubles-and-they'll-pass-you-by-in-disgust attitude. he has always been this unasking buddy. then there is the very emotional but still absolute fun guy... mukesh bihani aka mickey. a wonderful man with the most charming personalities i've ever come across. i cant resist but to make note of this rather facinating fact; everytime i have wanted someone to talk to or get out of the house just to quit feeling clostrophobic, i wouldnt even have to make a call... i have just made a wish and this man's name flashes on my cell phone screen asking me if i am free and want to go for a ride. absolutely amazing. Not to forget his ability to chance upon the most gorgious women to have him fall in love with. Sonia is an absolute cause of anyones diabetese. an inspiration to think possitive and never give in... hats off babe. Ankit Patel: the man of a thousand opinions. a mentor as far as acads and fun are concerned. methinks this very qualified and i-will-die-with-a-book-in-my-hand kind of a guy has the most remarkable sense of humility and consideration. practicable and sensitive... again, what a man.
there are so many of these people who have influenced my life and as cliched as this blog might read, i still want to thank each one of the individuals who have been an inspiration to me. the only reason why i mentioned these names is because they are the ones i've been hanging out with for the past month or so. the others have just been there on the phone and the net and so on. not that i value them any lesser but... aaahhh its too complicated. i love you all... always will.
back to original crib about people not reading my blog... screw it, i think this is good enough to keep reminding me of what a lucky lucky individual i am... thank you lord.
anyway, nothing too great to report (maybe just to myself) but the fact that i am working really hard to keep myself occupied... constant travelling to the suburbs of this wonderful city, taking the best transport ever administered in the country (the local train) and getting fried in the Mumbai summer attack is not really the best idea for spending time but well thats the best i can think of so far. that is the only way i can get out of the house actually. office is one more get away but sitting in one place is not very adventurous i would say. the godown has got its own certificate of being the biggest tandoor of its time so i avoid that completely. still work becons and work has to be done.
so there is dadr (*the shop) matunga (the godown) pedder road (the home) and Santa cruz (umm... the home... part 2). shutteling between these is good fun and a training session in travelling on intuition without the need to actually think where im going. seriously, it is so mechanical with the trains that i could commute to these places blindfolded. its good fun meeting up with my friends in cruz and my mentor, friend, philosopher, guide and critic mrs.misra. always around to give me some work and keep my otherwise warped head in good use. i have never been understood by a non family member in such short time lapse, ever. someone who comes out of no where and becomes an integral part of your life. who makes you think differently and gets you to change your perspective about yourself. mr. ghalla is another one of those head-stron unforgiving creatures who still has the odasity and the nerve to stick around with me for almost 7 years now without a chooch.
so this time i decided to get these two absolutely powerful influences to meet each other. both had heard about the other to the point where they could sware that the next statement i would make would be coming from the respective counterpart. and as i had imagined... they hit it off quite well too. god knows but i enjoyed the fact that i was left out of the conversation. every once in a while i would come in with an expressive 'hummm...' and shut up again. aahhh! i could go on about it for hours but what the heck, im too bored to describe the whole 3 odd hours in detail... not a woman u know...(with all due respect to the entire clan of the said armless millitants).
since i am making note of people who have influenced me, another name that comes to my mind is my very dear chinese friend...Valentino aka van. love the guy for his smile-through your troubles-and-they'll-pass-you-by-in-disgust attitude. he has always been this unasking buddy. then there is the very emotional but still absolute fun guy... mukesh bihani aka mickey. a wonderful man with the most charming personalities i've ever come across. i cant resist but to make note of this rather facinating fact; everytime i have wanted someone to talk to or get out of the house just to quit feeling clostrophobic, i wouldnt even have to make a call... i have just made a wish and this man's name flashes on my cell phone screen asking me if i am free and want to go for a ride. absolutely amazing. Not to forget his ability to chance upon the most gorgious women to have him fall in love with. Sonia is an absolute cause of anyones diabetese. an inspiration to think possitive and never give in... hats off babe. Ankit Patel: the man of a thousand opinions. a mentor as far as acads and fun are concerned. methinks this very qualified and i-will-die-with-a-book-in-my-hand kind of a guy has the most remarkable sense of humility and consideration. practicable and sensitive... again, what a man.
there are so many of these people who have influenced my life and as cliched as this blog might read, i still want to thank each one of the individuals who have been an inspiration to me. the only reason why i mentioned these names is because they are the ones i've been hanging out with for the past month or so. the others have just been there on the phone and the net and so on. not that i value them any lesser but... aaahhh its too complicated. i love you all... always will.
back to original crib about people not reading my blog... screw it, i think this is good enough to keep reminding me of what a lucky lucky individual i am... thank you lord.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
the sage speaketh once again!
Sundays are becoming quite spiritual for me. Maybe not in the real sense of the word… I mean the perceived sense of the word at least. There was another session of good old “satsang” today too.
I got to learn something more about the being of a ‘sadguru’. It is quite essential and sometimes enormously helpful to have the ‘right’ teacher. By right I mean a mentor who you can connect to. It is only faith in the actions of his words that one learns to imbibe and apply. It could be anything, business, service, spirituality or even something as simple as music. We tend to have our focus quite divided amongst the things we want to do and those that are expected to be done. In that case you wouldn’t want to call it ‘focus’ but you know what I mean. The essential part is not ‘defocusing’ yourself from the distractions (that’s quite easily preached and hardly practiced) but the fact that you can ‘refocus’ your energies in that one mentor that you choose. That makes it simpler to set goals and more importantly achieve them.
I remember the time when I wanted to learn how to play a guitar but I never could. The academics always eclipsed the extra-curricula and as a result I never could take any formal training. Then came along this friend who knew his bare little about guitaring and that’s where I understood the concept of chords. Then I moved on to watch him play and then picked up a couple of chords from his progressions until I reached a level he had achieved. Now I had to move on and before I could regret the fact that I would have to wait for someone to take me further, I found another friend who had a lot of knowledge about chord-note agreements. This is where I learnt the fundas of rhythm setting and tuning. I exhausted his share of teachings just by copying him and practicing my own variations. I grew and grew till the point where I started figuring out my own tunes and understanding music in a more panoramic perception (if you will). The point is, I imitated each of my gurus without a doubt in his ability. All I could see was his dedication to his guitar and my responsibility towards my aim. I was ‘focused’ if I may say so. And this is applicable almost everywhere. Each time you are in the midst of a situation (not necessarily a very grave one) you have to picture this mentor dealing with it. Compare notes. See how you can imitate his action and with a complete faith in your action, face it… there is barely any chance of you going wrong. So there we have it… gyan for the day. But seriously, this kind of an approach is the most practicable approach to life in general. It leaves a lens behind that allows you to broaden the sight of your so-far-perceived horizons. Works for me at least…
Everyone must blink their eyes every once in a while to prevent tears from coming in…. think about it.
I got to learn something more about the being of a ‘sadguru’. It is quite essential and sometimes enormously helpful to have the ‘right’ teacher. By right I mean a mentor who you can connect to. It is only faith in the actions of his words that one learns to imbibe and apply. It could be anything, business, service, spirituality or even something as simple as music. We tend to have our focus quite divided amongst the things we want to do and those that are expected to be done. In that case you wouldn’t want to call it ‘focus’ but you know what I mean. The essential part is not ‘defocusing’ yourself from the distractions (that’s quite easily preached and hardly practiced) but the fact that you can ‘refocus’ your energies in that one mentor that you choose. That makes it simpler to set goals and more importantly achieve them.
I remember the time when I wanted to learn how to play a guitar but I never could. The academics always eclipsed the extra-curricula and as a result I never could take any formal training. Then came along this friend who knew his bare little about guitaring and that’s where I understood the concept of chords. Then I moved on to watch him play and then picked up a couple of chords from his progressions until I reached a level he had achieved. Now I had to move on and before I could regret the fact that I would have to wait for someone to take me further, I found another friend who had a lot of knowledge about chord-note agreements. This is where I learnt the fundas of rhythm setting and tuning. I exhausted his share of teachings just by copying him and practicing my own variations. I grew and grew till the point where I started figuring out my own tunes and understanding music in a more panoramic perception (if you will). The point is, I imitated each of my gurus without a doubt in his ability. All I could see was his dedication to his guitar and my responsibility towards my aim. I was ‘focused’ if I may say so. And this is applicable almost everywhere. Each time you are in the midst of a situation (not necessarily a very grave one) you have to picture this mentor dealing with it. Compare notes. See how you can imitate his action and with a complete faith in your action, face it… there is barely any chance of you going wrong. So there we have it… gyan for the day. But seriously, this kind of an approach is the most practicable approach to life in general. It leaves a lens behind that allows you to broaden the sight of your so-far-perceived horizons. Works for me at least…
Everyone must blink their eyes every once in a while to prevent tears from coming in…. think about it.
Friday, April 15, 2005
LIKEwise
So, after a few days of complete agony, im writing in complete health and happiness… yo!
There is a beautiful song that really moves me. It reminds me about all the little things that we tend to miss out while we sail through life. And we crib and cry and grunt about those things that make us sad… not only the fact that we don’t like something (that’s never responsible) but the fact that we really crib about them which makes us upset, depressed and sometimes it puts us through tests of mind numbing games that we play with ourselves. Tell me, how often do we make a simple, careless statement about, say, a puddle of water in the middle of our driveway? When is the last time you said, “Damn I don’t like those spicy chutneys” with a smile on your face? All we do is cry about the boss and the girlfriend and the wife being a bitch (all at the same time, hehe). So just listen to this song if you haven’t already and the lyrics are all here.
"But I Do Love You"
I don't like to be alone at night
And I don't like to hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you But I do love you
I don't like to see the sky painted grey
And I don't like when, nothin's goin my way
And I don't like to be the one with the blues
But I do love you
But I do love you
I love everything about the way your lovin me
The way you lay your head upon my shoulder when you sleep
And I love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do, oh I do-o
And I don't like to turn the radio on
Just to find I missed my favorite song
And I don't like to be the last with the news
But I do love you
But I do love you
I love everything about the way your lovin me
The way you lay your head upon my shoulder when you sleep
And I love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do, oh I do
And I don't like to be alone at night
And I don't like to hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
But I do love you
But I do love you
But I do love you
There is a beautiful song that really moves me. It reminds me about all the little things that we tend to miss out while we sail through life. And we crib and cry and grunt about those things that make us sad… not only the fact that we don’t like something (that’s never responsible) but the fact that we really crib about them which makes us upset, depressed and sometimes it puts us through tests of mind numbing games that we play with ourselves. Tell me, how often do we make a simple, careless statement about, say, a puddle of water in the middle of our driveway? When is the last time you said, “Damn I don’t like those spicy chutneys” with a smile on your face? All we do is cry about the boss and the girlfriend and the wife being a bitch (all at the same time, hehe). So just listen to this song if you haven’t already and the lyrics are all here.
"But I Do Love You"
I don't like to be alone at night
And I don't like to hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you But I do love you
I don't like to see the sky painted grey
And I don't like when, nothin's goin my way
And I don't like to be the one with the blues
But I do love you
But I do love you
I love everything about the way your lovin me
The way you lay your head upon my shoulder when you sleep
And I love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do, oh I do-o
And I don't like to turn the radio on
Just to find I missed my favorite song
And I don't like to be the last with the news
But I do love you
But I do love you
I love everything about the way your lovin me
The way you lay your head upon my shoulder when you sleep
And I love to kiss you in the rain
I love everything you do, oh I do
And I don't like to be alone at night
And I don't like to hear I'm wrong when I'm right
And I don't like to have the rain on my shoes
But I do love you
But I do love you
But I do love you
But I do love you
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Official!
When I opened my eyes this morning I knew that there is something that is waiting to happen today. Well, the premonition was quite accurate.
I had my morning cuppa of chai and was just planning the day as I read the papers and mumma darling comes up to me to ask what may I be doing today. As usual my answer was “I don’t know but I have this project on my hand and that’s it… nothing planned… why?”. So mom sits down, picks up her paper and staring at the headlines just passes a statement saying “Dad wanted to take you to the office today”. I wondered why the hell would he want me to go to the office with him. And if at all, why is mom telling me this. But mom continues her incomplete statement by saying “today is Gudi Padva and is an ospicious day so he might want to do some ritualistic pooja or something”. The statement put me at ease and I continued reading my paper with some sense of relief. I was thinking about the last time I went to office, as in for some work, not just as “the boss’s kid”. Not quite surprising…. I couldn’t remember when.
Then papa came along, sat in his chair in my room and switched his P.C. on, which is in MY room. Then he called me in and said, “get dressed, we’re going to the office from today”. Little did I notice the “from today” bit and by the time it hit me, he finished with a very assertive “you have to go everyday with uncle in the morning and come back with him at night”. Now this was unasked for man…. I’m not a businessman. I know that all the generations that preceded me have all been “true blood Vanias” but I just was a huge mistake. Dad knows that I am more inclined towards a creative job profile rather than any kind of finance or marketing or some such thing… but he is of the belief that no matter what I do, I’ll still return to being the “banya”.
So anyway, I went along with him and reached the office at 11.30ish. The office is under renovation so it was all quite broken. But the table and the phones on the table, the sample books, the cash register, and the chai cups lying around… all took me back to the typicality of offices. Dad asked me to sit on his chair and I was feeling the guilt of not being worthy of that chair. I could almost see his ploy quite clearly but it just was not working. I respected it like the honor and responsibility of being able to run a small kingdom but it was not my prerogative to accept it or decline it. it was almost an order. I took the seat and uncle and dad walked out leaving the office to me. “Attend the calls, we’ll be back in a while”. And almost like a plot, the phone rings… “do you have XYZ samples of ABC type and code 1234” came the voice on the other side… “the manager is not in, who is calling… ok… ok… just a sec…” and I played on. I picked up the file strategically placed in front of me and scanned through it… no mention of the XYZ and type ABC… so I picked the receiver and said, “sorry, we don’t deal in the XYZ.” After a few minutes they walked in and I narrated the incidence to them with absolutely notable signs of deliberated disinterest. Pop was all impressed with the story and said, “good, we don’t like that man too much anyway.” And uncle gave an approving smile.
Somewhere in the whole time I was there, I felt needed more than me compulsorily being there. i thought of taking up the family business only as a contingent plan. For a while I thought all my aspirations of being an ad guru were in schism. I could picture myself in that chair, day in and day out, breaking my head over what delivery and when and how much to charge and what to sell…. Not a pretty picture I tell you. But then I pushed myself into believing that they would never force me to do something I don’t want to do… they never have. We went home for lunch and mom sat me down and reconfirmed my faith in the fact that I can still do what I want.
It was a day of never-before-done introspection. For once I felt serious about choosing the right career and really working towards doing what I want to do. But on the brighter side, I saw the contingent plan was not as bad as I thought it would be… I have a choice and there always will be. So it is only about making the right choice more than hunting for options. Yup! That’s the thought for the the day, maybe the weak or even more.
I had my morning cuppa of chai and was just planning the day as I read the papers and mumma darling comes up to me to ask what may I be doing today. As usual my answer was “I don’t know but I have this project on my hand and that’s it… nothing planned… why?”. So mom sits down, picks up her paper and staring at the headlines just passes a statement saying “Dad wanted to take you to the office today”. I wondered why the hell would he want me to go to the office with him. And if at all, why is mom telling me this. But mom continues her incomplete statement by saying “today is Gudi Padva and is an ospicious day so he might want to do some ritualistic pooja or something”. The statement put me at ease and I continued reading my paper with some sense of relief. I was thinking about the last time I went to office, as in for some work, not just as “the boss’s kid”. Not quite surprising…. I couldn’t remember when.
Then papa came along, sat in his chair in my room and switched his P.C. on, which is in MY room. Then he called me in and said, “get dressed, we’re going to the office from today”. Little did I notice the “from today” bit and by the time it hit me, he finished with a very assertive “you have to go everyday with uncle in the morning and come back with him at night”. Now this was unasked for man…. I’m not a businessman. I know that all the generations that preceded me have all been “true blood Vanias” but I just was a huge mistake. Dad knows that I am more inclined towards a creative job profile rather than any kind of finance or marketing or some such thing… but he is of the belief that no matter what I do, I’ll still return to being the “banya”.
So anyway, I went along with him and reached the office at 11.30ish. The office is under renovation so it was all quite broken. But the table and the phones on the table, the sample books, the cash register, and the chai cups lying around… all took me back to the typicality of offices. Dad asked me to sit on his chair and I was feeling the guilt of not being worthy of that chair. I could almost see his ploy quite clearly but it just was not working. I respected it like the honor and responsibility of being able to run a small kingdom but it was not my prerogative to accept it or decline it. it was almost an order. I took the seat and uncle and dad walked out leaving the office to me. “Attend the calls, we’ll be back in a while”. And almost like a plot, the phone rings… “do you have XYZ samples of ABC type and code 1234” came the voice on the other side… “the manager is not in, who is calling… ok… ok… just a sec…” and I played on. I picked up the file strategically placed in front of me and scanned through it… no mention of the XYZ and type ABC… so I picked the receiver and said, “sorry, we don’t deal in the XYZ.” After a few minutes they walked in and I narrated the incidence to them with absolutely notable signs of deliberated disinterest. Pop was all impressed with the story and said, “good, we don’t like that man too much anyway.” And uncle gave an approving smile.
Somewhere in the whole time I was there, I felt needed more than me compulsorily being there. i thought of taking up the family business only as a contingent plan. For a while I thought all my aspirations of being an ad guru were in schism. I could picture myself in that chair, day in and day out, breaking my head over what delivery and when and how much to charge and what to sell…. Not a pretty picture I tell you. But then I pushed myself into believing that they would never force me to do something I don’t want to do… they never have. We went home for lunch and mom sat me down and reconfirmed my faith in the fact that I can still do what I want.
It was a day of never-before-done introspection. For once I felt serious about choosing the right career and really working towards doing what I want to do. But on the brighter side, I saw the contingent plan was not as bad as I thought it would be… I have a choice and there always will be. So it is only about making the right choice more than hunting for options. Yup! That’s the thought for the the day, maybe the weak or even more.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
just let it out!
women have a bad habbit.
i mean all their habbits are kind of harmful but particularly this habbit of being all vague.
they think we cant understand whats cooking in their minds when they act all funny and moody and "i dont know but im in a weird frame of mind today" kind of attitude. anything to smoothly brush us off eh? its curtious though that they are actually concerned about our feelings once in a while so they dont want to be all direct. but whats the point killing the cat with more curiousity than it can handle. every second statement is diliberately made to contradict the previos one. so one decides to be patient and wait for things to simmer down... but to ones surprise, its boiling at room temperature... "you are not concerned about me.... just because i dont talk, you cant ask how i am, what is on my mind... u dont care... booo hooo". sorry honey but i wud do that if i were assured of a stright frank answer telling me your problem.
oh i cud almost start another edition of "men are from mars and women are from venus" and probably finish the next 15 in one sitting but theres no point... just none.
theek hai... they'll always be that wayand we'll always be the way they want us to be so that settles it. i remembered a quote a frnd read out to me one day - "the best a man can do after winning an argument with his wife is say sorry..." C'est la vive
i mean all their habbits are kind of harmful but particularly this habbit of being all vague.
they think we cant understand whats cooking in their minds when they act all funny and moody and "i dont know but im in a weird frame of mind today" kind of attitude. anything to smoothly brush us off eh? its curtious though that they are actually concerned about our feelings once in a while so they dont want to be all direct. but whats the point killing the cat with more curiousity than it can handle. every second statement is diliberately made to contradict the previos one. so one decides to be patient and wait for things to simmer down... but to ones surprise, its boiling at room temperature... "you are not concerned about me.... just because i dont talk, you cant ask how i am, what is on my mind... u dont care... booo hooo". sorry honey but i wud do that if i were assured of a stright frank answer telling me your problem.
oh i cud almost start another edition of "men are from mars and women are from venus" and probably finish the next 15 in one sitting but theres no point... just none.
theek hai... they'll always be that wayand we'll always be the way they want us to be so that settles it. i remembered a quote a frnd read out to me one day - "the best a man can do after winning an argument with his wife is say sorry..." C'est la vive
Saturday, April 02, 2005
feel good factor
After a long time, I went for a “satsang”… a kind of an intelectual discussion on the writeings of a very accomplished (spiritually that is) personality, Shrimad Rajchandra.
I used to often have these discussions on the way “dharma” is with my grand mother aand after she passed away in June last year, I have barely made an effort to go back to it. I sort of came to know a lot of facts about a life in genral… how we spend most of our time and efforts in “sanculp – viculp” which is, to do or not to do. To accept or not to accept. To take or not to take. We never let things be the way they are. We want all of it to be the way we want it to be. Our POV is all that matters.
Have you noticed, whenever you see a new product that steals your attention, you start to compare it with all you have. The comparison is so subtle and quick that you never realize how much calculation you do when you just finish saying the word “wow” or “yuk” (depending on what your result of comparing shows). For instance, lets say you have a cell phone which is a coloured screen and has a jazzy look. Now you chance upon a cell phone with a one mega pixel camera and integrated flash with a 30 minute video recording capacity… whats your natural reaction going to be? Obviously it’s a “wow” but the minute you see a monochromatic white light single lcd display with no frills… “yuk” is your face reaction. Now just imagine how many such comparisons will you be making in a day, every minute, every second of the day. Cant imagine can you?
It was so nice to know that we are going wrong and the fact that there is a right way. A way that is so much more enlightened by the people who have paved it. it’s a shame that we get blinded by brightness and then just stick to our dim dark regular route. Its almost cemented by the materialistic man who treds every inch of this path every second of his life. and the bright, bumpy road is quite avoidable in our regard.
So today I have felt good about finding a new fact about a thought process that is seductively wrong. I don’t know what I am going to follow but at least I have a choice now… like many of you who are reading this…
I used to often have these discussions on the way “dharma” is with my grand mother aand after she passed away in June last year, I have barely made an effort to go back to it. I sort of came to know a lot of facts about a life in genral… how we spend most of our time and efforts in “sanculp – viculp” which is, to do or not to do. To accept or not to accept. To take or not to take. We never let things be the way they are. We want all of it to be the way we want it to be. Our POV is all that matters.
Have you noticed, whenever you see a new product that steals your attention, you start to compare it with all you have. The comparison is so subtle and quick that you never realize how much calculation you do when you just finish saying the word “wow” or “yuk” (depending on what your result of comparing shows). For instance, lets say you have a cell phone which is a coloured screen and has a jazzy look. Now you chance upon a cell phone with a one mega pixel camera and integrated flash with a 30 minute video recording capacity… whats your natural reaction going to be? Obviously it’s a “wow” but the minute you see a monochromatic white light single lcd display with no frills… “yuk” is your face reaction. Now just imagine how many such comparisons will you be making in a day, every minute, every second of the day. Cant imagine can you?
It was so nice to know that we are going wrong and the fact that there is a right way. A way that is so much more enlightened by the people who have paved it. it’s a shame that we get blinded by brightness and then just stick to our dim dark regular route. Its almost cemented by the materialistic man who treds every inch of this path every second of his life. and the bright, bumpy road is quite avoidable in our regard.
So today I have felt good about finding a new fact about a thought process that is seductively wrong. I don’t know what I am going to follow but at least I have a choice now… like many of you who are reading this…
Friday, April 01, 2005
voices
its strange that sometimes there is a little voice that tells you where things are going RIGHT! and how its about time something went wrong. seriously baffling but it happens to me and quite often too. thought i'll make note of it this time around.
i dont want to get into the details but the gist of it is that i was having a strong introspective session and i was feeling odd that life in all respects was quite smoothe. infact, knowing me, it was too smoothe to be real. i mean parents were more responsive and my friends were respecting me and wanting to stick around with me so much more... the reson jolly well could be me bieng caught up with exams for a while but still its a very pleasant feeling... all in all i was just about enjoying every bit of it.
then came today... i wake up all grumpy and have a rather lousy morning. nothing much to report but it all just balanced out. had small bikerings and some failed plans. as a matter of fact i just decided to stay out of the way of people and not talk or call anyone dillibrately. seclusion. my comp and i having our little romance. evening brought in some guests and i scrammed out of home just to avoid weird questions. decided to bring in moms birthday so went and got her pastries and pies. teamed up with pop and woke her up at 12... this was the high point of the day... imagine waking up your tired mom from a deep slumber is "the high point"... how rude!
but what the heck. alls well that ends in a well! sleeping now. shall finally switch this poor machine off. hope its better tomorrow.
oh! just heard the pope passed away... God rest his soul. and the souls of all those who have died in the quake and the crash and the suicide cases... may the be at peace. amen
i dont want to get into the details but the gist of it is that i was having a strong introspective session and i was feeling odd that life in all respects was quite smoothe. infact, knowing me, it was too smoothe to be real. i mean parents were more responsive and my friends were respecting me and wanting to stick around with me so much more... the reson jolly well could be me bieng caught up with exams for a while but still its a very pleasant feeling... all in all i was just about enjoying every bit of it.
then came today... i wake up all grumpy and have a rather lousy morning. nothing much to report but it all just balanced out. had small bikerings and some failed plans. as a matter of fact i just decided to stay out of the way of people and not talk or call anyone dillibrately. seclusion. my comp and i having our little romance. evening brought in some guests and i scrammed out of home just to avoid weird questions. decided to bring in moms birthday so went and got her pastries and pies. teamed up with pop and woke her up at 12... this was the high point of the day... imagine waking up your tired mom from a deep slumber is "the high point"... how rude!
but what the heck. alls well that ends in a well! sleeping now. shall finally switch this poor machine off. hope its better tomorrow.
oh! just heard the pope passed away... God rest his soul. and the souls of all those who have died in the quake and the crash and the suicide cases... may the be at peace. amen
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